He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just wanna soil my oats bro
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Boobs are out for the taking
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
