he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
