So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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