I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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