As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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