things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
