Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
