Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
