I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
