Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
only you would photoshop your dick
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
me + whiskey = a bad person
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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