I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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