It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
