I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
