I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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