Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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