Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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