Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My penis needs a shock collar
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
