So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
