You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I will be naked everywhere
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
