i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He shit in the fireplace
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
