I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
