you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
