i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize