I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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