so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
