I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He is an equal opportunity slut.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
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