I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am never drinking with the goths again.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
