It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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