Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
