The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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