'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
