Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
