just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
