I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
