Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize