im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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