Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
