Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
