I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
we're so committed to being not committed
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
