Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
