Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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