so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize