he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
