im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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