I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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