He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
