he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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