It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
BRING THE BAGELS
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
