A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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