even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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