I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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