arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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