The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
