I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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