I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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