I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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