Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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