I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
