she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
