i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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