I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
