"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
