I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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