You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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