apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
