Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
