He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
