He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
