another moral hangover. fuck.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
