wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize