a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
