Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
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